My father passed away in May of 2012. I had already made my peace with him, thankfully, before he died. I’ve been through years of therapy, and I have had to heal a lot of the story that I created of myself, based on how my father treated me. I always tell people that he was a good man, but he was not a nice man. Through my child’s eyes, and the vision that I continued to carry into much of my adulthood, he was a tyrant and a bully. He was a person who could not control his temper, and perhaps, in today’s society, his definition of discipline might be considered abuse.
I have several strong memories of how he went out of his head with anger, and how that affected me personally. I am the youngest of four boys and my older brothers received a lot more of my dad’s discipline than I did. His favorite form of punishment was to use his belt on our backsides and across the backs of our legs. I can’t remember the number of times he used the belt; using it one time was one too many. I will always remember a day my father abused us with his belt. My two oldest brothers were making a joke about something, and I remember my third oldest brother and I laughing along. My father did not think whatever they said was funny, and came in, whipped off his belt, and he started flailing at everyone. It hurt both physically and emotionally. I was so puzzled, because I was an innocent bystander, and I never did understand why I was punished. What I did learn was to keep my mouth shut and fly under the radar as much as possible around my father.
There were countless whippings with his belt. I received my last whipping when I was around 12 years old, outside of our house. My brother and I were having a verbal argument and my father came out of the house, his belt flailing us on our backsides and legs. Whether neighbors witnessed this or not, I don’t know, but I was very embarrassed. Being whipped like that is harmful and degrading to children. I had such low self-esteem that I sought out other people for affirmation, and sometimes I allowed myself to be abused almost in worse ways than my father had harmed me. Perhaps the worst thing resulting from his whippings was that I held deep hatred for my father for decades.
After Minnesota Vikings player Adrian Peterson was arrested for beating his four-year-old son, there was a discussion about whether or not corporal punishment was good for children. Many commentators have said that it teaches them discipline and respect. Yes, I was always respectful and courteous, but I don’t think it had anything to do with being beaten. I’ve known of people who raised their children with a “time out,” and who used respect and reasoning with children who were misbehaving, and those children have grown up to be respecting and respectful, members of society.
What I do know is that my father’s whippings degraded me and scarred me for years. A skillful therapist has helped me to deal with my anger and to boost my self-esteem. Violence begets violence, and corporal punishment only contributes to making angry people who have a higher probability of harming others in all parts of society, whether it is road rage, public arguments and assaults, domestic violence and murder. I have to admit that I have succumbed to road rage and my anger has gotten the best of me.
Mr. Peterson might think that he’s rightfully disciplining his son, but I guarantee that his son is suffering and will suffer for years, and that he will take his anger out in ways that harm those around him. What will hurt Mr. Peterson even more is the fact that his son will hate him, and the damage in that relationship is not worth the lesson in discipline.
I have several strong memories of how he went out of his head with anger, and how that affected me personally. I am the youngest of four boys and my older brothers received a lot more of my dad’s discipline than I did. His favorite form of punishment was to use his belt on our backsides and across the backs of our legs. I can’t remember the number of times he used the belt; using it one time was one too many. I will always remember a day my father abused us with his belt. My two oldest brothers were making a joke about something, and I remember my third oldest brother and I laughing along. My father did not think whatever they said was funny, and came in, whipped off his belt, and he started flailing at everyone. It hurt both physically and emotionally. I was so puzzled, because I was an innocent bystander, and I never did understand why I was punished. What I did learn was to keep my mouth shut and fly under the radar as much as possible around my father.
There were countless whippings with his belt. I received my last whipping when I was around 12 years old, outside of our house. My brother and I were having a verbal argument and my father came out of the house, his belt flailing us on our backsides and legs. Whether neighbors witnessed this or not, I don’t know, but I was very embarrassed. Being whipped like that is harmful and degrading to children. I had such low self-esteem that I sought out other people for affirmation, and sometimes I allowed myself to be abused almost in worse ways than my father had harmed me. Perhaps the worst thing resulting from his whippings was that I held deep hatred for my father for decades.
After Minnesota Vikings player Adrian Peterson was arrested for beating his four-year-old son, there was a discussion about whether or not corporal punishment was good for children. Many commentators have said that it teaches them discipline and respect. Yes, I was always respectful and courteous, but I don’t think it had anything to do with being beaten. I’ve known of people who raised their children with a “time out,” and who used respect and reasoning with children who were misbehaving, and those children have grown up to be respecting and respectful, members of society.
What I do know is that my father’s whippings degraded me and scarred me for years. A skillful therapist has helped me to deal with my anger and to boost my self-esteem. Violence begets violence, and corporal punishment only contributes to making angry people who have a higher probability of harming others in all parts of society, whether it is road rage, public arguments and assaults, domestic violence and murder. I have to admit that I have succumbed to road rage and my anger has gotten the best of me.
Mr. Peterson might think that he’s rightfully disciplining his son, but I guarantee that his son is suffering and will suffer for years, and that he will take his anger out in ways that harm those around him. What will hurt Mr. Peterson even more is the fact that his son will hate him, and the damage in that relationship is not worth the lesson in discipline.
RSS Feed